Fred2Blue

(UPDATED 10/23/08 for comedic effect)

Back in the day, many parents would use 2 time-tested criteria to name their little bundle of joy. 

First, the child’s full name – when bellowed by an irate parent – would need to send shivers down Junior’s spine.  Road-test this one:

“Rudolph William Giuliani, I am going to start counting and if you are NOT in the rumpus room BY 10 and hanging up your ball gowns…well Buster, I won’t spare the rod!”

Second of the criteria? Pick a name that won’t earn your kid an Atomic Wedgie in the boys’ locker room. (In other words, not this one):

Willard. Mitt. Romney.

But these criteria are so yesterday.  So, I present to you these new age monikers: 

Apple Paltrow-Martin
Fifi Trixibelle Geldof
Sage Moonblood Stallone
Moxie Crimefighter Jillette
Jermajesty Jackson

And now, according to an interview in People Magazine, Gov. Sarah Palin said this:

Interviewer: Alicia in New York City asks, Do you think about having more children?

Sarah Palin: No-o-o-o. We got our starting five. That’s the final five.

Interviewer: Alicia also wondered if you had any more unique names up your sleeve.

Sarah Palin: We did. We never got to get our Zamboni in. I always wanted a son named Zamboni.

Okay. Not bad. Try it out:

“Zamboni Hussein Palin…if yur dad and I find you usin’ the Discover card to buy internet porn one more time…

- or -

“Zamboni Hussein Palin. Yur lookin’ awesome, son, in yur Ermenegildo Zegna cashmere suit and yur Fendi tie from Nieman Marcus!”